Tasteless Jokes

[atomross13]

"What hair color do they put on the driver's license
of a bald man?"

[Knuck42]

A"heads up" for those men who may be regular Home Depot customers. This one caught me by surprise.

Over the last month, I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out ot get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naïve enough to think it can't happen to you or yourr friends.

Here's how the scam works.

Two seriously good-looking 20-21 year old girls come over to your car as you are packing your items in your trunk. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy t-shirts.

Its impossible not to look.

When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say "no" and instead ask you for a ride to McDonald's.

You agree and they get into the back seat of your car. On the way, they start undressing. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet.

I had my wallet stolen on September 4th, 7th, 10th, 12th, 16th, twice on the 21st and 24th, three times last Monday, and very likely again this coming weekend.

So tell your friends to be careful!!

P.S. Target has wallets on sale for $2.99 each. I found cheaper ones at the dollar store near Staples and bought their whole stock, but look around.

[atomross13]

TOP TEN TIMES IN HISTORY, WHEN USING THE "F" WORD WAS APPROPRIATE

10th - "Scattered @#$%ing showers, my ass!"
- Noah, 4314 BC

9th - "How the @#$% did you work that out?"
- Pythagoras, 126 BC

8th - "You want WHAT on the @#$%ing ceiling?"
- Michelangelo, 1566

7th - "Where did all those @#$%ing Indians come from?"
- Custer, 1877

6th - "It does so @#$%ing look like her!"
- Picasso, 1926

5th - "Where the @#$% are we?"
- Amelia Earhart, 1937

4th - "Any @#$%ing idiot could understand that."
- Einstein, 1938

3rd - "What the @#$% was that?"
- Mayor Of Hiroshima, 1945

2nd - "I need this parade like I need a @#$%ing hole in the head
- JFK, 1963

And, the Number 1 most appropriate time for using the "F" word...

"Aw c'mon. Who the @#$% is going to find out?"
- Bill Clinton, 1997

[Knuck42]

Q: What do rednecks do on Halloween?

A:  They pump kin!

Ba-dum-bum!

Thank you!  Thank you folks.  I'll be here all week!  Try the veal and please don't forget to tip your waitstaff!

[Knuck42]

A man was sitting on the sofa watching TV when he heard his wife's voice from the kitchen. What would you like for dinner Love? Chicken, beef or lamb? He said, "Thank you, I'll have chicken". Wife says "F**k You. You're having soup. I was talking to the cat."

[EVH12345]

So a priest and a rabbi are sitting together on a park bench. A little ways away a young boy bends over to tie is shoe. The priest turns to the rabbi and says "Man I'd like to screw him." Rabbi replies "...out of what?"

[Knuck42]

Little Johnny's father asked him, "Do you know about the birds and the bees?"
"I don't want to know!" little Johnny said, bursting into tears.
Confused, the father asked little Johnny what was wrong.
"Oh dad," Little Johnny sobbed, "At age six I got the 'there's no Santa' speech.
At age seven I got the 'there's no Easter bunny' speech.
Then at age 8 you hit me with the 'there's no tooth fairy' speech!
If you're going to tell me now that grown-ups don't really fuck, I've got nothing left to live for!"

[Knuck42]

Two Nuns were cycling down street. One Nun says to the other: I've never come this way before." The other Nun replies: " Oh, it must be the cobbles."

[move]:smiley-cool: :bounce: :smiley-cool: :bounce: :smiley-cool: :bounce: :smiley-cool: :bounce: :smiley-cool: :bounce: :smiley-cool: :bounce:[/move]

[Knuck42]

A wife screams at her husband in the delivery room, "YOU DID THIS TO ME!"  The husband replies " I wanted to put it in your ass, but you said THAT would hurt!"

[move]:nana: :bounce: :nana: :bounce: :nana: :bounce: :nana: :bounce: :nana: :bounce:[/move]

[Knuck42]

A man's wife came in wearing a sexy nighty. She told her husband "Tie me up & you can do what you want". So he tied her up, fucked her sister & went fishing. :bangin: :nana: :bangin: :nana: :bangin: :nana: