Tasteless Jokes

[atomross13]

A Doctor, a Priest and an Engineer are all out golfing. They get behing a VERY slow 4 some. Finaly at the 13th hole they complain the the club pro. He tells them that the 4 some are bling firefighters that lost their site stopping a fire at the clubhouse. Since they lost their sight the club lets them play for free at anytime.

The Doctor is greatly moved and sayes he will ask his surgen friend if any thing can be done for them. The Priest sayes "he will ask a special prayer and blessing for them". The Engineer sayes "can't these slow asses play at night???"

[Tech]

Q. Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist?

A. Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there.  :nana:

[Billsmokin]

There were three engineers debating the nature of God: a structural engineer, an eletrical engineer, and a civil engineer. While the structural engineer spoke first, each was claiming that God was was an engineer of his own type.

"For verification of this just look at the human body! The skeletal structure is an amazing thing. It moves where it needs to and it is strong everywhere else. Not to mention that it provides shape and stability."

The electrical engineer spoke next.

"No, God is an electrical engineer because regardless of the structure, the body could not operate without the nervous system. This system has used electricity since the inception of life. God HAS to be an electrical engineer."

They both turned to the civil engineer to get his view on this topic. After thinking about the human body for a while, he replied, "You are both wrong. God is a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"  ;D

[atomross13]

[quote author=Billsmokin link=topic=33.msg1585#msg1585 date=1176510731]
There were three engineers debating the nature of God: a structural engineer, an eletrical engineer, and a civil engineer. While the structural engineer spoke first, each was claiming that God was was an engineer of his own type.

"For verification of this just look at the human body! The skeletal structure is an amazing thing. It moves where it needs to and it is strong everywhere else. Not to mention that it provides shape and stability."

The electrical engineer spoke next.

"No, God is an electrical engineer because regardless of the structure, the body could not operate without the nervous system. This system has used electricity since the inception of life. God HAS to be an electrical engineer."

They both turned to the civil engineer to get his view on this topic. After thinking about the human body for a while, he replied, "You are both wrong. God is a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"  ;D
[/quote]

Wrong, He is a Geotechnical Engineer Remenber he created Adam from SOIL!!!!  Dirt RULES!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Land Rover]

What, no Imus jokes yet?

[Rooster]

Rastus wakes up and goes to the bathroom, looks in the mirror. Says, 'Dayum, Rastus, you looks b-a-a-a-d! But you feels fine!! After bumping into several friends saying he look b-a-a-a-a-d!!, he replies but i feels fine!!! So, off to the doc. Brother doctor, my friends say it and I think it's true. I looks b-a-a-a-a-d!! But I feels fine!! Just a minute brother Rastus. He leafs through his med book. Lessee, look bad, feel fine.... look bad, feel fine. Oh, here it is!! O-o-o-o-h!! Rastus!! You's a vagina!  :fro:

[Tech]

A very elderly couple is having an elegant dinner to celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary. The old man leans forward and says softly to his wife, “Dear, there is something that I must ask you. It has always bothered me that our tenth child never quite looked like the rest of our children. Now I want to assure you that these 75 years have been the most wonderful experience I could have ever hoped for, and your answer cannot take that all that away. But, I must know, did he have a different father?”


The wife drops her head, unable to look her husband in the eye, she paused for moment and then confessed. “Yes, yes he did.” The old man is very shaken, the reality of what his wife was admitting hit him harder than he had expected. With a tear in his eye he asks “Who? Who was he? Who was the father?” Again the old woman drops her head, saying nothing at first as she tried to muster the courage to tell the truth to her husband. Then, finally, she says, “You.”


:horse:

[Tech]

Dave rents an apartment in New York, and goes to the lobby to put his name on the group mailbox. While there, a very attractive young lady comes out of the apartment next to the mailboxes wearing a robe.

Dave smiles at the young woman and she strikes up a conversation with him. As they talk, her robe slips open, and it's quite obvious that she has nothing on under the robe. Poor Dave breaks out into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact. After a few minutes, she places her hand on his arm and says, "Let's go in my apartment, I hear someone coming..."

He proceeds with her into the apartment, and after she closes the door, she leans against it allowing her robe to fall off. Now completely nude, she purrs at him, "What would you say is my best feature?" The flustered and embarrassed Dave stammers, clears his throat several times, and finally squeaks out, "Oh, its got to be your ears!"

Astounded, she replies, "My ears? Why my ears? Look at these breasts! They are full, don't sag, and they're 100% natural! My buns - they are firm and don't sag, and have no cellulite! Look at this skin, no blemishes, or scars! Why in heaven's name would you say my ears are the best part of my body?!" Clearing his throat once again, Dave stammers,
[b]"Outside when you said you heard someone coming? . . . That was me."[/b]

[OlBlue]

LMFAO  NIce    :nana: :nana: :nana: :clap: :clap: :clap: :bigup: :bigup: :bigup: :bounce: :bounce: :bounce: :nana: :nana: :nana: :nana:

[niterider56]

So this astronaut goes into a bar and notices this pirate sitting at the far end of the bar with a monkey on his shoulder. The astronaut orders a martini and after taking a sip the monkey runs over and grabs the olive and eats it. The astronaut is a little angry and consults the pirate. The pirate says he does that sometimes, eating things that he isnt supposed to. I'll buy you a new drink. The pirate buys the astronaut a new martini and the monkey eats the olive again. Well over the next few months or so the pirate and the astronaut get to being friends and the astronaut gets used to the pirates monkeys eating his olives. One day the astronaut and the pirate decide to play a game of pool and about half way through the game the monkey jumps off the pirates shoulder and eats the cue ball. The next week the pirate buys the astronaut a martini and the monkey grabs the olive and sticks up his ass and then pulls it out and eats it. The astronaut asks what that was about and the pirate says ever since the cue ball the monkey here checks to make sure stuff fits.