Tasteless Jokes

[sosmn]

A guy comes home to find that his girlfriend is packing her luggage. He says "What's going on?"
She replies "I'm leaving you because I found out that you're a pedophile!"
"Pedophile?", he says "That's an awfully big word for an eight year old."

[Land Rover]

What do you call a gay guy with a runny nose>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Full

[Land Rover]

Guy walks into a barand see's this big bag of money hanging over the bar.  Here is the following conversation:

Guy:  Whats that for?

Bartender:  You can win that big ol bag of money.

Guy: Really?

Bartender:  Hell Yes

Guy: What do i have to do?

Bartender:  Three tasks,

1)  Knock the bouncer off his barstool.
2)  Behind thisold door is the meanest dog you ever met.  the dog hasn't ate in a week, it has a bad tooth, you needto pull his tooth.
3)  See grannyover thier,  You need to go have sex with that 80year old.

Guy:  forget it, i will have a drink instead.

-------A few hours later and about 12 drinks, liquid courage kicks in and he stands up and pronounces to the bar that he is going to do it.

He proceeds to walk over to the bouncer and catches him unaware and knocks him off of his bar stool.  Feeling good with one task down, he proceeds behind the wooden door to tend to the mean ass dog. 

He is in the room with the dog for a  good 30 minutes.  You here grunting, and the dog yelping, the sounds are horrible.  Finall the guy walks out, covered in scratches, sweating, and bloody.

He walks upto the bartender, downs a shot, and turns to the bartender and asks where the old lady is that needs her tooth pulled.......

[atomross13]

Mother superior at the grocery: "I would like to have 120 bananas
for the convent."

Salesman: "If you buy such a large quantity, it is more economic
to buy 144 of them."

Mother superior: "Oh well, we could always EAT the other 24."

[Knuck42]

:clap:

[sosmn]

Q: What's worse than finding a worm in the apple you are eating?



A: Getting raped.

[MaytagMan]

Q:  What's blue and fucks old people?




A:  Hypthermia

[niterider56]

A guy storms into a bank and orders everyone on the floor. "Nobody looks up or I blow your head off, understand?'
With that he notices a guy at the end of the counter and rushes up to him.
'Did you see my face?' The guy answers yes and the robber shoots him in the head.
He then turns to the guy right next to him and growls: 'Did you see my face'? The frightened guy just stares at the ground and points to his left.
'No Sir, but my wife here says you have pretty eyes'.

[niterider56]

An old cowboy sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.

As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him.

She turned to the cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"

He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy."

She said, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women. When I watch TV, I think about women. I even think about women when I eat. It seems that everything makes me think of women."

The two sat sipping in silence.

A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"

He replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out that I'm a lesbian."

[niterider56]

Frank was leaving a convenience store with his morning coffee when he
noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby
cemetery.

A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50
feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary man
walking a dog on a leash.

Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking single
file.
Frank couldn't stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the
man walking the dog and said, "I am so sorry for your loss, and I know
now is a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like
this. Whose funeral is it?"

"My wife's."

"What happened to her?"

The man replied, "My dog attacked and killed her."

He inquired further, "But, who is in the second hearse?"

The man answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife
when the dog turned on her."

A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passed between the two men.

"Can I borrow the dog?"

"Get in line."