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Not mine ..... cut and paste job from the Joke Yard

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A man walks into a dimly lit bar and the bartender asks him "Why is the front of your shirt all bloody"

His customer answers in a slurred voice "My wife caught me with another woman and cut off my penis."

"Oh come on" replies the bartender.

The customer then says "If you don't believe me, I'll show you."

He proceeds to rifle through his suitcase and pulls out this long thin thing and lays it on the bar.

The bartender bends down and looks closely and says "Why this is just a cigar".

The customer looks puzzled and says "I have it here somewhere" and proceeds to fumble through his other pockets and comes up with another long thin thing and placing it on the bar, and says " See that".

The bartender again inspects it closely and says "You asshole that's just another cigar."

Now the customer staggers backward and steadies himself , leaning on the bar and with awareness in his shaky voice says "Son of a bitch, I must have smoked it!"

:rotf:

The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their
tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep.

Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, "Kemo Sabe, look
towards sky; what you see?" The Lone Ranger replies, "I see millions of
stars."

"What that tell you?" asked Tonto.

The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says, "Astronomically speaking,
it tells me there are millions of galaxies.
Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the
morning. Theologically, the Lord is all powerful and we are small and
insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day
tomorrow. What's it tell you, Tonto?"

"You dumber than buffalo shit. Someone stole tent."

okay, so the Lone Ranger and Tonto are tracking some fugitives, and at some point the trail goes cold, so Tonto gets off his horse and puts and ear to the ground, and then he stands back up with a grimace, and LR says, "what's the matter Tonto" and Tonto replies, "Buffalo come" and LR asks, "how do you know" and Tonto replies, "ear sticky"

[quote] "ear sticky" [/quote]

Yikes!  :gotcha:

[quote author=cbandito link=topic=10.msg1299#msg1299 date=1176422581]
okay, so the Lone Ranger and Tonto are tracking some fugitives, and at some point the trail goes cold, so Tonto gets off his horse and puts and ear to the ground, and then he stands back up with a grimace, and LR says, "what's the matter Tonto" and Tonto replies, "Buffalo come" and LR asks, "how do you know" and Tonto replies, "ear sticky"
[/quote]

LMAO  :rotf: :rotf: :rotf:

with this one and the tastless joke thread I have found out we have some sick MoFo's in this place. I feel right at home.  :bigup:

The Lone Ranger and Tonto were riding across the plains one day, when Tonto suddenly cocked his ear at a passing falcoln's cry. "Kemosabe... Apache to East!" he whispered.

The Lone Ranger looked to his faithful companion. "What do we do?"

Tonto pondered a moment. "We ride West!"

After riding a short while, Tonto again paused, searching the horizon with his eagle-sharp eyes. "Kemosabe... Apache to West!"

The Masked Man looked once again at his friend. "What should we do?"

Tonto scratched his head in thought. "We ride North!"

After a brief ride, Tonto stopped to scent the breeze. "Kemosabe... Apache to North!"

"What do we do now?" his companion asked.

Without hesitation, Tonto replied, "We ride South!"

Within minutes, Tonto reigned in his horse and dropped to the ground. Placing his ear to the earth, he listened intently. "Kemosabe... Apache to South!"

Worried, the Lone One asked him, "NOW what do we do?"

Tonto thought hard for a moment, his eyes squinting in concentration. Then his face lit up. "What do you mean "WE", White Man?"

A blonde goes into a laundry mat and asks to have her sweater cleaned. The laundromat attendant doesn't hear her correctly and says, "come again?" The blonde blushes slightly and giggles, "oh, no it's just mustard this time."

:nana:

Q. What do a gynaecologist and a pizza delivery boy have in common?

A. They can both smell it, but can't eat it.

[quote author=Tech link=topic=10.msg1309#msg1309 date=1176424756]
Q. What do a gynaecologist and a pizza delivery boy have in common?

A. They can both smell it, but can't eat it.

[/quote]

:laugh: